Are We Raising a Generation That Feels Invisible?

As a parent, one of the most beautiful yet fragile experiences is watching your baby or toddler learn to engage with the world. Their little voices—so eager, so full of wonder—reach out to anyone willing to listen. But in today’s world, more often than not, their words land in a space already occupied by a screen.

It’s a unique kind of heartbreak to witness.

Every parenting book, every child development expert, and every instinct in my body tells me that babies and toddlers thrive on connection. Their brains are wired for it. Every exchange—eye contact, a smile, a response—reinforces their understanding of language, emotions, and relationships. These early interactions shape their self-esteem and their sense of being seen. Sherry Turkle, author of Reclaiming Conversation, emphasizes that face-to-face interactions are vital for children's development, warning that excessive screen time can significantly impede these crucial early bonds.

But I can’t make that choice for other adults. I can set my phone down. I can kneel to my child’s level, listen to her stories, respond with warmth. But when she turns to a grandparent, a family friend, or even a stranger at the park—when she says, “Look! Look at this!” or asks a question in that pure, expectant way that only toddlers do—she is often met with distraction, and I see her face shift in response.

We know that when adults ignore children in favor of their phones, it has real consequences. Studies show that children whose parents frequently use phones around them experience increased frustration, more tantrums, and difficulties with emotional regulation. One study published in JAMA Pediatrics (2014) found that when parents were on their phones at the playground, children were more likely to take dangerous risks—perhaps in an attempt to get their attention. Another study observed that parents exhibited significantly less affection, responsiveness, and encouragement toward their children (aged 1–5 years) when using smartphones, potentially hindering the child's emotional and social development. (PMC, 2021)

It’s not just parents, though. Any engaged adult—a grandparent, a caregiver, a friend—helps reinforce a child’s developing communication skills. Every ignored question, every delayed response, subtly teaches them that their voice doesn’t matter as much as whatever is on the screen. Jonathan Haidt, a social psychologist, has emphasized that increased screen time is linked to mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness in young people. If these effects compound over time, what does that mean for children just learning how to navigate social interactions?

And I know this. I know how much a simple moment of eye contact means. How much it fills their little hearts. And yet, I can’t force anyone else to understand. I’ve been in the room when my child tries to engage with someone buried in their phone. I’ve seen her repeat herself, growing louder, confused. I’ve seen her eventually turn away, feeling deflated and unimportant.

I don’t want to police other people. I don’t want to be the nagging parent who says, “Can you put your phone down? She’s talking to you.” But sometimes, it’s all I can do to keep my frustration in check. I feel stuck between protecting her fragile spirit and maintaining relationships with the people around us. We are losing some of our humanity when we teach our youngest humans that social media or emails are more important than learning about the world and developing deep, nurturing relationships.

I want to believe that if they could see what I see, they would make a different choice. If they could feel the ache of knowing how much these tiny moments matter, they would put the phone away. But most people don’t. There are plenty of us who are overburdened, under-supported, and frankly, addicted to screen time. There is a choice to make about our priorities when it comes to choosing between dopamine hits, handling business, and giving the children in our lives the attention they desperately need during formative years. We have less social ties, less friends, and less time spent with friends than ever before - this trend makes it all the more important to dedicate time to our little humans.

I don’t expect perfection. I know we live in a world where work, social ties, and entertainment live in our pockets. I, too, use my phone to escape when I need a mental break. But I also know that we are choosing, moment by moment, where our attention goes. Cal Newport, author of Digital Minimalism, suggests that reducing screen time allows individuals, including children, to focus on activities that deeply matter, enhancing overall well-being.

And I wish more people would choose the child in front of them.

For now, I model the behavior I hope to see. I narrate to my child when someone is too busy to engage, reassuring her that her words matter even when they go unheard. I remind myself of the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation that children aged 2 to 5 years should have no more than one hour of screen time per day, and that consistent limits can help preserve the vital face-to-face interactions they need. I acknowledge that different child need different things, based on their neurotypes and lived experiences. However, I do continue hope that maybe, just maybe, those around her will notice how much she longs for their presence—and that next time, they will look up. They are waiting for us to love them and teach them.

References

• JAMA Pediatrics (2014). "Parental Distraction and Child Risk-Taking in Playgrounds."

• PMC (2021). "Parental Smartphone Use and Its Impact on Child Development."

• Turkle, S. (2015). Reclaiming Conversation: The Power of Talk in a Digital Age.

• Haidt, J. (2023). The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.

• Newport, C. (2019). Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World.

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP). "Media and Young Minds."