Medical Misdiagnosis and Gaslighting

Have you ever left a doctor's office feeling like you weren't heard? Like your concerns were brushed aside? For neurodivergent women, this isn't just an occasional occurrence—it's a painful pattern. Many of us carry the weight of years of misdiagnosis, dismissal, and a feeling that the medical world just doesn't "get" us. This isn't just frustrating; it's deeply traumatizing.

Neurodivergence, including ADHD, autism, and dyslexia, often shows up differently in women. But outdated ideas about these conditions mean we're frequently overlooked. Imagine being told you're "too sensitive" your whole life, like Anna. She spent years in therapy, unable to explain what she was experiencing. It wasn't until her son was diagnosed with ADHD that she finally found answers for herself. The relief was immense, but so was the anger: How could this have been missed for so long?

This isn't an isolated incident. For every woman diagnosed with ADHD, several men are diagnosed. This huge gap shows how deeply ingrained these biases are. And for women who become mothers without a proper diagnosis, the challenges of parenthood are multiplied.

The situation for autistic women is equally challenging. Many of us learn to "mask"—hiding our true selves to fit in. This can make it even harder for doctors to see what's really going on, often leading to misdiagnosis of anxiety or personality disorders.

Then there's the gaslighting. It's that sinking feeling when a doctor minimizes your concerns, saying things like, "You're just stressed" or "It's all in your head." Sarah, a graphic designer, shared how her doctor dismissed her sensory issues and meltdowns, simply suggesting meditation. She felt like she was going crazy for even bringing it up.

Think about it: 71% of women feel they've been treated differently by doctors because of their gender. Now, layer that on top of being neurodivergent. It's a double whammy of misunderstanding and bias.

The impact of this constant invalidation is devastating. It chips away at our self-worth, making us question our own experiences. We start to wonder if we are exaggerating, if we are just "too much." This can lead to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. Lauren, who was diagnosed with autism later in life, described it as years of feeling "broken," a feeling reinforced every time a doctor dismissed her.

These misdiagnoses have real physical consequences too. Undiagnosed ADHD can lead to chronic fatigue and sleep problems, while autistic women might be given medications that actually make things worse. And studies show women are more likely to be misdiagnosed with serious conditions like heart disease, showing this isn't just about neurodivergence.

This trauma also affects our relationships. It's hard to explain these experiences to loved ones, and when they echo the dismissive attitudes of doctors, it creates a deep sense of isolation. Emily, a teacher, stopped talking to her family about her health because they always told her she was overreacting. She felt like she'd lost the ability to be vulnerable.

But there is hope. Healing is possible. It starts with acknowledging your feelings—the anger, the sadness, the betrayal. Your experiences are real and valid. Keeping a journal can help you process these emotions.

Finding the right healthcare provider is crucial. Look for someone who understands neurodivergence and trauma-informed care. Online resources can help you find these compassionate professionals. You're not alone in this—connecting with other neurodivergent people can provide incredible support and validation. When you go to appointments, write down your symptoms and concerns beforehand. Bring a friend or advocate if you are able to, to help navigate in-the-moment anxieties. Don't be afraid to seek second opinions or change doctors until you find someone who truly listens.

When access to proper care is limited, people seek other ways to cope. Online communities offer a sense of belonging, while others might explore self-diagnosis or alternative treatments. Some simply withdraw from the medical system altogether. 

The experience of navigating the healthcare system as an undiagnosed neurodivergent woman can be deeply isolating and frustrating. This lack of understanding and validation can have a significant and often overlooked impact: increased vulnerability to substance use disorders.  

Here's why:

• Self-Medication: When internal struggles like anxiety, sensory overload, and emotional dysregulation go unaddressed, individuals may turn to substances like alcohol or drugs as a way to cope. These substances can temporarily numb difficult emotions, reduce anxiety, or help regulate sensory input. However, this is a temporary and ultimately harmful solution.  

• Masking and Burnout: The constant effort of "masking" – suppressing natural behaviors and presenting a neurotypical persona – can be incredibly exhausting. This chronic stress and burnout can increase the likelihood of turning to substances as a way to escape or find relief.  

• Mental Health Struggles: Undiagnosed neurodivergence often co-occurs with mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. These conditions significantly increase the risk of substance use disorders.  

• Lack of Support: When individuals feel misunderstood and unsupported, they may turn to substances to find a sense of belonging or connection within social circles where substance use is prevalent.  

• Trauma and Adverse Childhood Experiences: Many neurodivergent individuals experience trauma, whether it's related to the challenges of navigating a neurotypical world, negative social experiences, or even the medical gaslighting described earlier. Trauma can significantly increase the risk of developing substance use disorders.  

It's crucial to recognize the connection between undiagnosed neurodivergence and substance use. Recovering from substance use after a late diagnosis of neurodivergence requires a nuanced approach that addresses both the addiction and the underlying neurological differences. 

A crucial first step is understanding the "why" behind the substance use. Many neurodivergent individuals self-medicate to cope with challenges like sensory overload, emotional dysregulation, social anxiety, or executive dysfunction. Identifying personal triggers related to these challenges, such as overstimulating environments, social situations, periods of stress, or feelings of boredom, is essential for developing effective coping strategies. Recovery strategies should be tailored to individual needs, ideally through dual diagnosis treatment that addresses both substance use and neurodivergence. This includes seeking neurodivergence-informed therapy with a therapist who understands neurodiversity and can adapt techniques accordingly, such as using clear communication, visual aids, and accommodating sensory sensitivities. 

Medication management for co-occurring mental health conditions should be carefully monitored by a psychiatrist who understands the interplay between medication, recovery, and neurodivergence. Creating a supportive recovery environment that considers sensory needs, such as quiet spaces and sensory tools, is also important. 

Connecting with neurodivergent support groups and educating one's support system about neurodivergence can provide invaluable understanding and validation. It's also important to be aware of how specific substances interact with neurodivergence; for example, alcohol can exacerbate sensory issues and emotional dysregulation, while stimulant use might overlap with ADHD symptoms. Long-term strategies include developing healthy coping mechanisms like mindfulness and sensory regulation techniques, establishing a structured routine, prioritizing self-care, and embracing neurodiversity as a part of one's identity. Remember, recovery is a process, not a destination, and seeking professional guidance from healthcare providers who understand both substance use and neurodivergence is crucial. You are not alone, and there is a growing community of neurodivergent individuals in recovery.

The societal cost of medical gaslighting is huge. It leads to untreated conditions, mental health struggles, and a deep distrust in healthcare. But there's also positive change happening. Medical schools are starting to teach more about neurodivergence, and trauma-informed care is becoming more common. Technology and advocacy groups are also playing a vital role. Navigating the medical world as a neurodivergent woman is incredibly challenging. But by understanding the systemic issues, advocating for yourself, and finding supportive communities, you can begin to heal and find your voice. You deserve to be heard.